Without You
by Rhonda Roo
Summary: Song fic, which I usually don't do but I heard this song over and over again. Anyway Beckett and Castle have a fight and there's a stand-off over talking again. Who will crack first? Lanie is the only one really taking Beckett's side over everything. Season 3 setting but Josh and Gina are history. Read the detailed summary for more, it's too long for this.
1. Just Go Away

**Title: Without You**

Summary: This is a song fic and I usually don't do song fics but anyway I heard this song like 6 times on my Pandora and it just stayed in my head. Then I got to thinking of it in terms of a story… yep one of those things that won't leave your head. Anyway if you don't like these, don't read it… rated M simply because I don't know what I'm going to do with it. Might be a one-shot… might not. Let's say this is Season 3, Josh and Gina already out of the picture. Not canon, not in character… not even close so please don't send me reviews telling me that this is not in character that is planned. I know the guys would never turn on her in favor of Castle but in my story they will because it has to go that way to work out how I want.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or they would have gotten married on the finale. Song lyrics by Harry Nilsson and sung by Mariah Carey.

**Just Go Away**

Lanie walked into squad room and looked at the partners sitting at their desks, then suddenly she heard shouting from the break room. "What's going on in there?"

Esposito grinned. "Well Castle pissed Beckett off and now she's yelling at him for it."

Lanie sat down on Esposito's desk and looked at him. "What did Castle do?"

Ryan looked up from his paperwork. "Hell if we know, does he need to do anything anymore? I mean he woke up alive this morning?"

Lanie looked over at Ryan, not smiling. "What exactly are you saying about my girl?"

Ryan looked over at her. "Oh cut the my girl crap, you know as well as I do that he tries so hard and she just gives him grief over it. I feel sorry for him most of the time. I mean yes he makes stupid jokes but it helps relieve tension from this job, he brings her coffee every day and this is the thanks he gets?"

Lanie was upset, she thought the boys would be on Beckett's side about everything. "So Detective Ryan, you're saying this is totally Beckett's fault. Well at least Javi has the good sense to say what's really going on."

Esposito looked at her and grimaced. "I have to agree with Ryan on this one, he doesn't deserve what she's putting out in there. He just asked one question and she went all bitch mode on his ass."

Lanie was intrigued. "What question was that?"

"How are you and Josh? She got up and pointed then said break room now Castle, she's been yelling ever since and none of it makes sense either."

They looked up as Montgomery came strolling out of his office. "Damn what did Rick do now?"

Ryan looked up at their boss. "He's still alive?"

Montgomery laughed. "Those two need to just give in and hit the sheets."

Suddenly the break room door opened and they heard Castle's parting words. "Fine Beckett, you won't ever see me or hear from me again."

Then they heard her parting shot. "Oh please make my day and make that a promise."

He looked back in. "Okay, fine I promise you'll never hear from me or see me again. I'm tired of living my own personal hell every day anyway."

"If I'm so difficult then get far away from me."

"Don't mind if I do." Then he was gone.

Once the elevator dinged she came out and looked at every one sitting there, the tears started again. "Excuse me." She ran off toward the ladies room.

Lanie looked at the guys. "He had to do something to her."

Ryan nodded. "The worst offense ever, he fell in love with his muse."

Lanie shook her head. "You guys are still blaming her?"

Esposito looked up. "Oh sure we're going to blame the poor guy who fell in love with the ice queen, we tried to warn him many times. I'm getting this paperwork done then I'm going to Castle's." He looked at Ryan. "You with me bro?"

Ryan nodded and fist bumped Esposito. "Someone has to check on our boy after he's been shredded by the queen."

Lanie got up. "I don't believe you two but I guess guys stick together. I'm going to check on my girl."

_**12**__**th**__** precinct ladies room**_

Lanie walked in and saw Kate Beckett sitting on the floor in tears, she was crying hard. She looked up to see who came in the door. "Hey Lanie, I guess you know that Castle's gone?"

"Yes but I don't know why. What did he do Kate?"

"I don't know Lanie, it's complicated. He just pushes my buttons and this time he pushed too hard."

"Well I he'll be back in a few days."

"No he won't Lanie, you heard him and he said never. I just can't love anyone, I proved that with Josh."

Lanie sat down beside her. "Tell me what happened with Josh."

"We broke up over a week ago, I hadn't told anyone yet. He came over this morning to pick up his things just as I was getting out of the shower and I had a robe on, naked underneath. He kissed me and one thing led to another, we were having sex. Just as I came I screamed I love you Rick."

Lanie shook her head. "Ouch."

"I know and he jumped up then put his clothes on, he accused me of sleeping with Castle and that's why I dumped him. Then when Castle came in and asked about Josh and I, well I kind of lost it on him. Oh Lanie, I said so many hurtful things to Castle."

"Did you mean it when you said you wanted him gone?"

She wiped her eyes but new tears started to flow. "No Lanie and now he's gone."

Lanie put her arms around her friend who was back to sobbing. "You'll see he'll come back he just has to get over this. Give him a few days and he'll come in like nothing happened, like he's done before."

"I hope so Lanie." She stood up and went to wash her face. "I'm going to talk to the guys and finish paper work so I can go home and get some sleep."

Lanie stood behind her. "I wouldn't talk to the guys, they're a bit upset with you right now. I asked them why you were mad at Castle and Ryan said because he was alive today. They are blaming this on you."

Beckett stopped at the door. "Not my boys too?"

Lanie nodded. "Afraid so sweetie."

_**12**__**th**__** precinct squad room**_

Kate and Lanie walked out of the ladies room and after Lanie got on the elevator then Kate walked to her desk. She sat down and noticed the guys wouldn't look at her. Esposito got up and looked at Ryan. "You ready to go?"

"Yes, did you call?"

Esposito handed his folders to Ryan. "No, I'll go call him now." He walked in the break room.

Ryan walked over to Montgomery's office. "Javi and I are done with the paperwork sir."

"Give it to Beckett and then get on out of here. I guess the two of you are going to check on Castle?"

"Yes sir, I mean that's just messed up."

He nodded. "I agree but she's our girl."

Ryan looked down. "I'm going to have to have a day or two sir, I mean now he's gone Javi and I can be the targets of her bad mood."

He met up at the desks with Esposito. "He said come on over."

Ryan turned around and put the folders on Beckett's desk, she looked up. "I guess the two of you are going to console your boyfriend?"

Esposito just looked at her but Ryan spoke up. "Someone needs to make sure he doesn't get hypothermia after the ice queen froze his ass once again." With that they started for the elevator.

_**Castle's loft**_

Martha watched as her son walked in the door, grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and then went to his office. She then heard loud noises like things being thrown around. She walked to the doorway and saw him throwing the cardboard cutout of him with his _Heat _books and the actual books themselves. "Richard what's wrong with you?"

He looked up and she saw red rimmed eyes staring back at her. "Mother just please leave me alone."

"What's going on with Katherine?"

He looked at her with a fiery look she had never seen in her son. "Do not ever mention that bitch's name again in this home if you want to live here. I hate her and I hope I never see her or hear her name again."

Martha shook her head. "When you feel like talking son, I'm here."

He looked up at her but couldn't smile. "Thank you mother, I just need to be alone right now."

Martha went to the kitchen table and dialed Alexis' cell phone. _"Hey Gram what's up?"_

"I need you to go to Paige's and stay the night, don't come home I'll have some clothes brought to you."

"_What's going on Gram? If it's dad then I should be there."_

"No, he had a fight or something with her. He's destroying everything to do with Nikki Heat in his office and he wants to be left alone. He specifically said if I mention her name again I can't live here anymore, this is bad and you need to stay gone."

"_Okay gram but call me later and let me know how he is."_

"I will darling but first I'm going to see Katherine." She went to the office door and spoke into it. "Richard I'm stepping out for a few hours, Alexis wants to stay with Paige and asked that I drop her off some clothes."

He yelled back out of the office. "Bye mother."

She ran upstairs and packed a bag for Alexis but when she got to the door and opened it she saw the detectives that work with Beckett standing there. "Guys this isn't a good time."

Esposito slightly smiled. "We were there and know what happened, he said we could come over."

"Well tell me what happened, he won't tell me anything."

Ryan looked at her as he stepped inside the loft. "What always happens he was trying to be nice to her and of course the ice queen froze his ass again, how can he be so nice to her over and over again?"

"I raised my son to be a gentleman but to a fault and he lets people, especially women walk all over him." She picked up the bag she had set down. "Well guys he's in the office destroying Nikki Heat, I have to drop off clothes for Alexis who is not coming home when it's like this. I have a meeting so please take care of my son."

Esposito nodded. "Will do Ms. R, he's our bro." They watched as she closed the door. They headed to the office and heard a loud bang.

_**12**__**th**__** precinct squad room**_

Beckett was just finishing up her paperwork when she saw Martha step off the elevator. Oh wow she was going to get it now. She looked up as the woman approached her desk. "Are you okay Katherine?"

"I'm sorry Martha, I know I made Castle mad but it's for the best I mean this is all just too complicated."

The older woman looked at her, not with anger but with sympathy. "Love isn't complicated, you either feel it or you don't. What makes it complicated is you, my son is not your personal doormat so please keep that in mind. I now must go console my granddaughter who has to stay away from her distraught father for the evening. Think about your actions too Katherine." She watched as the older woman walked away.

She got up and after picking up the folders walked to her captain's office. "Sir, the paperwork is done."

"Thank you Beckett, take the day you need to go home and relax after the day you had."

She nodded. "Thank you sir." She saw Castle's jacket still in the break room so she picked it up. When Kate got home she went straight to her bedroom, turned on the radio and laid down with Castle's jacket then cried until she fell asleep.

**TBC**

_One more chapter! That will be where the song enters the fic._


	2. Complicated Or Not?

**Title: Without You**

Summary: The song will come into the final chapter, but trying to put more drama in it I have to go 3 chapters and maybe an epilogue.… It made this chapter way too long trying to add the drama and wrap it up the way I wanted. More about the fight that caused it all… who will crack first and want to make up? Will they make up? Still out of character for the most part total AU.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Castle… except for books and DVD's. Song by Harry Nilsson, my favorite version sung by Mariah Carey.

WARNING:: Suicidal thoughts… if you hate that, back out now. Like I said this is AU!

**Complicated or Not?**

It had been two weeks since Beckett had seen Castle, she now understood what withdrawal was like and it wasn't good. She had cried herself to sleep most nights holding on to his jacket. When she got home she would pour a glass of wine and put on his jacket then just sit there. Her appetite was pretty much gone, she hadn't slept much only falling asleep once crying for some time. Concentration was pretty much nothing and she knew she had to take time off to deal with this. But without Castle, her boys weren't speaking to her unless they had too and now work suffering? Her attitude caused her life to go into shreds. She walked into her captain's office. "Sir, I need to take some personal time."

He looked at her. "Beckett just go talk to Castle, trust me when I say you're not the only one suffering."

She put her head down. "I can't sir, not after what I said to him. He'll never forgive me again, but if I could take a few days then maybe I could put this behind me."

"Take a week Beckett and come back with or without Castle but have a clear head."

She nodded. "Thank you sir." She went to her desk and saw the guys talking but they stopped when she arrived at their shared area. "I'm taking a week off so you guys don't have to deal with me either, go have fun with your boyfriend."

She started to the elevator when Ryan spoke up. "Just so you know what you did Beckett, he looks worse than you do. Congratulations on finally being the one to break Richard Castle."

Esposito took a parting shot before the elevator opened. "He can't write, you still have your career but him not so much."

Beckett got home and once again pulled on his jacket, drank a glass of wine and cried. Suddenly there was a knock at her door, she looked through the peep hole to see Alexis Castle. Oh great, now his daughter was there to yell at her. She opened the door. "Hey Alexis, now isn't a great time."

The young girl pushed through the door. "Make it a great time, we're going to talk." She walked over and sat down on the couch, so Beckett closed the door and joined her on the couch. She fingered the material of the jacket. "Dad's jacket, you miss him?"

She started crying again. "I'm so stupid Alexis, I was mad at myself over something and lashed out at the one person who means everything to me since my mother died. I've messed up the best relationship of my life because I'm so screwed up."

"Well just to let you know dad isn't partying, the guys come over and they order pizza but he rarely eats. He's not writing, he cries when he thinks we aren't paying attention and he will never be over you. He loved you so much Kate, is that okay if I call you Kate?"

She suddenly looked up at the young girl. "Why are you here? You should hate me so much."

"I heard Dr. Purlmutter tell Dr. Parish that you looked like the walking dead, I told dad and he asked me to check on you. It's not just dad that loves you Kate, you've become family to us. Gram said she talked to you the day of the fight and you didn't look like someone who truly won."

She started crying and Alexis pulled her in for a hug which made her cry harder. "I don't know if I can go on without him Lex."

Alexis nodded and pulled herself away from the detective, she dialed her phone. Beckett heard her order food and then she sent a text, she was sure she was texting her dad. "Food and reinforcement will be here soon, you will eat Kate. Dad would never be able to live with himself if anything happened to you, I'm here to make sure it doesn't. I'm not mad at you, a bit upset but not mad. I can tell by your face you don't understand why I don't hate you." She laughed. "What good would it do for me to hate you? Does it make Detective Ryan or Uncle Javi feel any better? They are just as miserable as you and dad."

Kate looked up. "Why do you call Javi uncle but Ryan you call Detective?"

She smiled. "Because Uncle Javi told me that he's family no matter what, dad's bro. But Detective Ryan is wavering in loyalty between the two of you."

"They both had harsh words for me today, I thought they both were on your dad's side."

"It's not about sides, it's about what's right and what's wrong and this situation is so wrong."

_**Morgue**_

Lanie was about to stop talking to Esposito period. "Javi, it would help if you and Ryan would just stay out of this situation. Let them work it out in their own time."

Suddenly her phone dinged a text.

**Alexis: **911 at Kate's NOW I need help.

Esposito looked over at her. "Is that your girl looking for more sympathy?"

"It's Alexis, a 911 text for me to come now."

He looked at her. "Why would she text you? I'm going to Castle's with you."

"She's not with Castle, she's with Beckett. I guess he must have sent her to check on Beckett."

"He wouldn't do that, the man hates Beckett."

She looked at him as she put her jacket on. "No he doesn't, he's in love with her. Go over and ask him, he's head over heels and you can't just turn it off because you're mad."

_**Castle's loft**_

Martha opened the door at the knock and smiled when she saw Esposito. "Well Javier, how are you today?"

"I'm good Ms. R, how's our boy?"

She shook her head. "The same I guess, he talked to Alexis earlier but they went in the office and I couldn't hear anything. She came home upset and went into his office then went running out of here. They haven't told me anything."

"I came to check on him, Alexis is with Beckett. That's harsh going against her dad and running to the enemy."

Suddenly they heard a voice behind them, filled with the sound of tears. "I sent her to check on Beckett, she may have broken my heart but Alexis still cares about her. She heard some bad things about Beckett today and was worried but she didn't want to seem unfaithful to me by checking on her."

Martha hugged him. "I'm so proud of you Richard, she hurt you and you still care about Katherine."

He started to walk toward the couch. "I love her mother, that's not likely to change anytime soon. I'll get over her eventually but I can't just shut her out and let her put herself in danger."

Esposito looked at his friend. "She's off for a week, she took personal time. She isn't eating, sleeping and concentration is nothing."

He nodded. "I can't do anything about it personally, she told me to stay out of her life."

They all sat down and then Martha spoke up. "What was the fight about? It's been 2 weeks and both of you have turned into zombies, what was said exactly?"

He recalled the fight that happened two weeks ago just as Kate was recalling the fight that broke them for Alexis and Lanie.

_**12**__**th**__** precinct: 2 weeks earlier**_

_Castle walked in the precinct with Beckett's coffee, he felt he already had enough that morning while writing. He went to her desk and sat down handing her the coffee, she thanked him but only slightly smiled._

"_Everything okay Beckett?"_

"_Sure Castle, why do you ask?"_

"_How are you and Josh?"_

_She jumped up. "Break room now Castle." They walked in and she shut the door then closed the blinds. "Want to know how we are Castle? We broke up, okay? I broke up with him over a week ago but I never mentioned it because I didn't want anyone's pity. This morning I thought we might get back together, he came over and we had sex but then he told me it was over completely and forever."_

"_Why Kate?"_

"_Because I can't get you out of my head or my life, you're just there to ruin every relationship I try to be successful in. I broke up with Demming for you, but you didn't know that did you? I broke up with Josh for the same reason. But I'm not good enough for the great Richard Castle."_

"_Where is this all coming from Kate, you know how I feel about you."_

"_Really because for someone who spends his life with words you don't use them often, not the right ones. I thought there might be something with us so I broke it off with Josh. Then that evening I went to Remy's and you were on a date."_

"_I haven't been on a date since I broke up with Gina. We broke up because I told her I had feelings for someone else, it was you Kate." He looked at her and smiled. "A week ago at Remy's that was a fan that sat down to talk to me, I was in there alone waiting for an order to go. How could I date when I have feelings for you?"_

_The tears fell out of her eyes. "My life would be so much easier without you in it, you just screw everything up. I can't have a healthy relationship with you around."_

"_It didn't seem like you had any before me either so you can honestly blame me for this?"_

"_You know what Castle, just get the hell out of my life. I was broken before you but now it's worse because of you. Just get away from me, I don't want to see you ever again."_

_Then he yelled parting shots at her, she yelled back and he was gone._

_**Kate's Apartment**_

They were sitting around the table eating pizza, well Lanie and Alexis were eating while Kate nibbled. Alexis looked at her. "Wow, no wonder he's so hurt but you do get that he loves you?"

Kate shook her head. "Not anymore, I ruined it."

Alexis frowned. "How could you have sex with one guy while my dad was on your mind? I understand you wanting something familiar, I've had that talk with my dad about sleeping with my mom. He won't do that again but how could you? Didn't you feel like you were cheating on my dad?"

"No, I mean I did date Josh plus at the time your dad had Gina."

"He never slept with her this time, he said he felt like he would be cheating on you. When they broke up and broke up loudly she accused him of sleeping with you."

Kate nodded. "Josh accused me of the same thing but the last time was the worst ever."

Lanie shook her head. "Instead of you talking to me and Alexis you need to talk to him sweetie."

Kate shook her head. "No, he won't talk to me."

Alexis stood up. "I need to get home, check on my dad and do some homework." She picked up her bag and pulled a shirt out. "I brought this for you, something for comfort if you were missing dad. He wore it yesterday and I took his from his office, it smells like dad." She hugged Kate. "Call me or text me if you need anything, I worry about you too. I'm not closed off to extreme possibilities, like this working out."

Kate held on to Alexis and then wiped her eyes when she pulled back. "Thanks for the food and for caring." She took the shirt that Alexis held out and started sobbing into it. "Oh Castle, I can't go on like this." She ran to her room and when they peeked in she was laying on the bed wearing his jacket and sobbing into his shirt.

Alexis looked at Lanie. "Don't leave her and call me if you need to." Alexis hugged her friend then left.

_**Castle's loft**_

They all looked up when the door opened and Alexis walked in, Castle stood up and hugged her. "How did it go?"

"She's a mess dad, Dr. Purlmutter was right she looks like walking death."

"Did you get any food into her?"

"Yes some, I texted Dr. Parish to come over for reinforcement so we got her to eat a little. The jacket you said you misplaced, she has it so you must have left it at the precinct. She was wearing it when I got there and crying."

"Did you give her the shirt?"

"Yes, she thinks I swiped it. When I gave it to her she started sobbing into it and ran to her room, I'm scared dad." He saw the tears on his daughter's face.

He pulled her close. "I am too pumpkin, I mean she's so strong and look what I've done to her. If anything happens to her I'll never forgive myself."

Martha looked at her son. "This is not only your fault just like it's not only Katherine's, the two of you have a communication problem. For two intelligent people both of you are acting very dumb right now, you need to talk about all of this. Stop assuming, stop being too jealous to talk things out and figure out if you are going to be together or apart. Apparently apart isn't working, is it?"

He nodded and sat down. "You're right mother and as soon as she comes to me then we'll talk." He got up and went into his room.

Alexis shook her head. "I'm going to lose my mind over them, neither one of them can go on like this. Why are they doing this? They can just say I'm sorry and talk. She loves him, she told me Gram."

Martha hugged her granddaughter and smiled. "Pride is a very bad thing sometimes sweet girl, but you keep doing what you're doing."

_**Kate's apartment 5 days later**_

She answered her phone seeing precinct on the caller ID. "Beckett."

_It's Roy, how are you doing?"_

"I hate to ask this sir but I think I need another week or a leave of absence."

"_Let's start with one more week."_

"Yes sir, thank you."

"_Get back on track Kate." _She heard the phone disconnect. She got up and put on jeans with a hoodie over Castle's shirt she had been wearing then headed out. She thought maybe a milkshake from Remy's would taste good.

_**Remy's**_

Kate started walking into Remy's when she passed Castle walking out with what looked like an order to go. She stopped and looked at him but he just looked at her with no smile and his eyes looked so raw. She couldn't speak and he didn't, he had fallen out of love with her.

She sat down on her couch when she got home and started crying again but this time she knew this was it, she couldn't take it without him anymore. She couldn't live her life and she was going to lose her job. It was no longer about just her or justice for her mom, it was about living without the one person she loved in this life.

She picked up her gun and thought about how easy it would be, she would be gone but he would be left to deal with it. Would he still hate her? That look he gave her at Remy's said it all, she was going to have to learn to live without him or not live at all.

She knew she needed help so she picked up her phone and sent a text, hopefully one person could pull her out of this thought and out of the feeling to end it all so much easier.

**TBC**

Okay… two-shot is now 3 chapters and I'm thinking that will end it. Next up Alexis, Lanie and another reinforcement that Alexis calls to help.


	3. This Must End

**Title: Without You**

Summary: The stand-off between Beckett and Castle is still going on but things get worse when she runs into him. She starts to think just ending it would be better, until she decides she needs help. Who shows up this time? Will they give her the help she needs to put this all behind her?

Disclaimer (because I like staying legal): I own nothing Castle except for my books and DVD's…. some Amazon instant video episodes. Song _Without You _was sung by many people but my favorite versions are Mariah Carey, Air Supply and Harry Nilsson… I'll try to attach links for videos.

WARNING: Suicidal thoughts, discussion… If you hate it then back out now. Remember this is AU!

**This Must End**

_**Castle's Loft**_

Castle walked in and put the food on the counter. "Hey pumpkin, I ran into Kate."

"Why are you home dad? The two of you should be somewhere talking and making up."

"She just looked at me like she was looking through me and I couldn't say anything. I don't know what to say at this point, I mean it's been almost 3 weeks. I love her but I came up blank and just couldn't speak."

"I will call Jim if I have to dad, now I kept my promise not to but I will if this doesn't end soon. You love her, she loves you and everyone is miserable." Her phone dinged and she looked at the text. "It's from Kate." She showed the message to her dad after looking at it.

**Kate: **I need you.

Castle nodded. "She's reaching out to you, go."

She hugged him. "I love you dad."

_**Kate's apartment**_

Alexis used the spare key and let herself in Kate's apartment, she saw Kate sitting on the couch crying, she was holding her gun and her cell phone. She immediately ran over and after emptying her hands she hugged the older woman. "Kate this has to end. You and my dad have been in tears, not eating and not sleeping for almost 3 weeks. This is not acceptable, I mean I'm the kid here. I don't want to have to see either one of you in the hospital or worse, now I'll call Jim if I have to."

"I wrote Rick a letter, but I need someone to get it to him. I called Lanie."

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Alexis opened it to Lanie and Esposito, she let Lanie in but held off Esposito. "You are not coming in Uncle Javi unless you can be nice to Kate."

Lanie turned around. "Let him in here, he's just picking up a delivery for his best bro who used to be Ryan. Before Ryan grew up and decided to mind his own business."

Kate got up and handed an envelope to Esposito. "There's a flash drive and a letter, have him read the letter first. Thanks Javi."

He held it up. "I'll take it to him but you better hope this doesn't make him worse."

Alexis turned around. "Take it to dad, she doesn't need to feel any worse. Tell dad I'm going to stay here for a few more minutes then head home."

After Esposito left there was another knock on the door, Lanie opened it to see Ryan standing there. "Dang Ryan, I thought you were staying out of this."

"I got a text from Alexis that said 911 at Kate's now, I'm needed so what do you need Alexis?"

She picked up Kate's gun and then looked at Kate. "Where's your other one?"

"Dresser in the bedroom, top drawer why do you want to know?"

"Because I don't ever want to come in here with you crying holding your gun again, do you have any idea what that would do to my dad? Or what it would do to me, not to even mention Gram?"

Kate looked at the girl when she came back from retrieving the second gun. "I'm sorry Alexis."

"Don't be sorry, just don't have those thoughts." She walked over to Ryan. "I want these out of here until she's better." Then she looked toward the kitchen. "Lanie grab the knives, box them up and he's taking those too."

Lanie looked at Alexis. "Her kitchen knives, are you serious?"

"I got here she was crying and holding her gun, yes get them out of here." So they worked together to get anything dangerous or sharp out of the apartment. They loaded it into Ryan's car and after a few words of encouragement to Kate he left.

_**Castle's loft**_

Castle opened the door to Esposito. "What's up Sito?"

He held up the envelope. "Message from Beckett, she said read the letter before opening the flash drive."

Castle took the envelope. "Stay out here please, mother will be down soon. You could make some coffee." He went in the office and sat down with his envelope. He opened the letter.

_Dear Rick,_

_I'm miserable without my partner, my other half. I need you in my life, I never wanted to be this dependent on someone else but I'm in this all the way. I'll now say what I should have said that day instead of blaming you. I love you too much to be with anyone else and I love you too much to be away from you. If you can't forgive me I understand but this has to end. I'm grateful for Alexis, she has been my rock. Thank you for letting her come to me when I need her. Listen to the song on the flash drive then let me know if you can find it in your heart to forgive me enough to at least talk to me. I'll be waiting for your call._

_Always,_

_Kate_

He put the flash drive in his computer and listened to the song:

_No I can't forget this evening_

_Or your face as you were leaving_

_But I guess that's just the way the story goes_

_You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows_

_Yes it shows_

_No I can't forget tomorrow_

_When I think of all my sorrow_

_When I had you there but then I let you go_

_And now it's only fair that I should let you know_

_What you should know_

_I can't live_

_If living is without you_

_I can't live_

_I can't give anymore_

_I can't live_

_If living is without you_

_I can't give_

_I can't give anymore_

_Well I can't forget this evening_

_Nor your face as you were leaving_

_But I guess that's just the way the story goes_

_You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows_

_Yes it shows_

_I can't live_

_If living is without you_

_I can't live_

_I can't give anymore_

_I can't live_

_If living is without you_

_I can't live_

_I can't give anymore_

_(No I can't live)_

_(No I can't live)_

_I can't live_

_(No I can't live)_

_(No I can't live)_

_If living is without you_

_I can't live without you_

As soon as the song was over Castle jumped up and ran out into the living room where his mother and Esposito were sitting. "I'll be at Kate's." He walked out before anyone could say anything.

_**Lobby of the loft**_

Just as Castle reached the lobby he saw Alexis come through the door and she looked extremely upset.

"Dad where are you going?"

"I'm going to Kate's, we need to talk this out. We can't go on like this pumpkin. What has you so upset?"

"I walked in and she was sitting on the couch wearing your shirt and jacket, dad she was holding her gun and crying. I texted Ryan to come over. I had him take both of her guns and all of her knives out of the apartment, then I let her have it for even thinking about taking herself away from us. She's so lost dad, I mean I know you are too but she can't stop blaming herself."

He nodded. "Go on upstairs, I'll call you or text later after I've talked to Kate."

"Dad don't go if you're going to fight, she can't handle it right now."

"I still love her pumpkin, we are going to sit and talk." He kissed her on the forehead then left.

_**Kate's apartment**_

Kate sat on the couch and Lanie sat in the chair across from her. "What if he can't forgive me Lanie? What do I do then?"

"He will Kate."

"You didn't see his face when he saw me tonight, he just looked at me like he wasn't really looking at me. He was blank Lanie."

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Lanie opened the door and saw Castle standing there, he looked toward the couch and put his arms out. Kate jumped up and ran to him. "Rick, oh Rick I'm so sorry."

He looked at Lanie. "Lock up when you leave please."

She nodded. "Okay let me know later if either one of you need anything at all."

"I will and thanks Lanie. Sito, mother and Alexis are at the loft probably eating pizza, go join them if you want." She nodded and then closed the door.

He sat on the couch with her on his lap. She put her arms around his neck and pulled him close. "Rick I love you so much, I'm so sorry. I hope one day you can forgive me."

He pulled her close. "I'm working on it, trust me I am. I still love you Kate so hearing that you even thought about taking your life hurts me more than you know. The fact that my daughter found you like that hurts Alexis and it bothers me. Nothing is worth taking your own life."

"I wasn't seriously going to do it, I don't know what I was thinking actually. Everything has been so jumbled in my head for days, I mean I don't know what I would have done without Alexis, Lanie or Martha. I love your family Rick almost as much as I love you."

He kissed her forehead. "I can't worry about every time we have an argument that you're going to eat your gun. I can't be with you for just that reason."

She got up from his lap and walked to her bedroom, she came back out with clothes that looked like his and a bottle. He saw the tears on her face. "Take your damn clothes, your cologne and get the hell out of my apartment. If you were just coming to tell me why we can't be together, why did you bother to come here?"

He took the clothes and the bottle setting them aside then chased her back in her bedroom. He found her filling the tub and leaning against the wall crying. "That's not what I meant Kate. What I meant and I said it all wrong is that I can't be with you just because I'm afraid of what you will do if we aren't together. I love you Kate and if you still want to be with me then I want to give us a chance. Now I have a request of you, I want you to pack up and come home with me tonight and then tomorrow morning leave for the Hamptons. We need time alone to discuss the future and where we go from here. Now once we get home don't expect mother or Alexis to be very receptive to you just because of everything that has been going on but we'll be okay."

She turned the water off and looked at him with her arms crossed in front of her. "Can I take a bath first and try to straighten myself up?"

"Sure, leave the door open and I'll go pack you some things."

"How do you know what I'll need?"

He shrugged. "It's me Kate, no one knows you better than I do. I was terrified I had lost you, just let me do this for you."

She nodded. "Go pack for me and while you're at it will you lay out something for me to wear when I get out?" He nodded, she undressed and then got in the tub after twisting her hair up in a messy bun. She looked up when he came in a few minutes later.

"You're all packed if you need anything else we'll pick it up when we get to the Hamptons tomorrow." He walked over to the tub then got on his knees, he leaned over and kissed her. She felt his hand moving down her body until he got between her legs, he pushed his finger in and started rubbing.

"Rick?"

"I want you to relax Kate, just let me do this for you. I've never been able to touch your body like this but I've touched mine thinking of you many times. I've cum so many times to your name on my lips."

She grabbed his neck and pulled him down for a kiss while she moaned and wanted desperately to call out his name. When he was sure she was done he pulled his fingers out and smiled. She slightly smiled at him. "I just needed to touch you."

"Thank you Rick."

He got up and handed her a towel. "Come out when you get dry, I have clothes laid out for you."

_**Castle's loft**_

Alexis picked up her phone when it dinged.

**Dad: **Kate is coming with me, anyone who can't be nice needs to leave.

**Alexis: **I'll take care of it dad. Knives in the kitchen? Yes or no?

**Dad: **We need to try and trust Kate.

Alexis put her phone back in her pocket. "Dad is bringing Kate home with him, anyone who can't be nice to her needs to leave. Are you good Uncle Javi or do you need to go?"

He looked at the young girl and nodded. "I'm good, she's one of my partners so I need to fix things with her too. I'm surprised at you Little Castle, I mean you've been over there all the time."

Alexis shrugged. "She needed me, dad told me to go." She started for the kitchen. "I'm making some coffee, she'll need coffee when she comes and dad will want some too."

Martha jumped up from the couch. "I'll make some snacks, would you like to assist me Dr. Parish?"

Lanie stood up and smiled. "Please Ms. R call me Lanie."

"I'll be glad too as long as you call me Martha, I get the feeling we'll be seeing much more of each other."

The coffee was made and snacks of finger sandwiches and veggies laid out. And just after they sat down the door opened. They all watched as Kate and Castle walked through the door. She just stopped in the door and looked at everyone with a very scared expression on her face. Alexis jumped up and ran to them, she hugged her dad and then Kate. "Welcome home Kate, I'm so glad you're here with us."

Martha was next out of her sea and greeting them. "Katherine, I'm so glad Richard could convince you to join us."

She smiled. "Thank you both so much, I owe both of you a huge apology for the way I've treated Rick."

Alexis shook her head. "No, you don't if you apologized to dad then we're good. Families have issues Kate, we'll work it all out." She took the bag from her dad. "I'll just put this in the bedroom for you Kate." She started walking toward her dad's room, and Kate thought this might be awkward.

Castle and Martha walk with Kate over to the couch where the three of them sit down. Kate looked over at Esposito and Lanie. "Espo I'm glad you stuck by Rick, I was wrong and it took all of this to get me to realize it. I hope soon we can repair our friendship as well."

Espo saw Castle holding her hand. "We're good Beckett, we've been friends too long to not be. I'm just glad everything is working out."

Castle looked down at her and squeezed her hand. "We're going to work on things, we're leaving in the morning for the Hamptons so we can work on some things in private with no interruptions."

Alexis entered the room. "Did you say you are going to the Hamptons dad? That's perfect, I'm it's just what both of you need." She started for the kitchen. "So we fixed coffee and snacks, who wants something?"

Kate got up. "I'll take some coffee and I guess I'm a bit hungry, thanks for sending the Chinese over for us Lex."

She smiled. "I figured the two of you might not eat if you had to call it in and face it, we've all seen your refrigerator Kate."

Rick watched as Kate, his daughter and his mother moved around the kitchen. Lanie looked at him. "So are things going to be okay?"

He nodded. "Yes, we just need to talk and straighten things out."

She got up and went into the kitchen to join the women. "So can I help in here?"

She hugged Kate and then Kate wrapped her arms around Lanie. "Thanks for sticking by me and trying to talk some sense into me." Kate fixed two cups of coffee then headed back to the living room setting both cups beside Castle. "Are you hungry Rick?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, maybe."

She looked at him trying to see if he might be upset again. "I'll fix a plate and we can share?"

He smiled. "Perfect, that sounds just perfect." She went back to the kitchen where the other women were fixing their plates.

Lanie looked toward the living room. "My name isn't Beckett so if you want something Javier Esposito get in here and get it, I'm not waiting on your lazy ass."

The room erupted in laughter, then Alexis spoke up. "Guess she told you Uncle Javi." She then joined her dad and Kate on the couch. "So how long are you two going to stay in the Hamptons?"

Kate looked over at Rick so he answered. "Maybe a week."

She nodded. "Well just check in with me at least every other day and try to have a good time." She leaned over and kissed Kate on the cheek then walked over and hugged and kissed her dad. "If I don't see you in the morning, have fun and don't come back married or I might be mad. Goodnight everyone." They all said goodnight and she headed up the steps.

Martha stood and smiled. "I must take my leave as well, I have a friend to meet so I'll see both of you when you get back. Javier and Lanie don't be strangers."

Castle looked up as his mother got to the door. "Mother please try to hang around here at night while we're gone."

"Oh Richard, of course I will. Don't you worry about anything here, just have a great time. Ta Ta darlings."

He smiled as he reached over to hold Kate's hand. "And Martha Rodgers makes her exit." He looked over toward his friends. "Lanie I would appreciate it if you would check on Alexis while we're gone. Mother is wonderful but a bit scattered at times."

Lanie smiled. "Oh sure no problem, if she's out I can crash in your guest room or take Little Castle home with me."

Kate sighed. "We need to talk about the elephant that isn't going to leave the room until we do. No I wasn't going to kill myself, I don't know what was going on in my head but I'm thankful for Alexis talking some sense into me and taking charge of things. No one has to worry about me suddenly deciding to end it all just because I get upset. I love Rick, we're going to make this work I was just scared that day and I couldn't wrap my brain around what was happening. It was just all too much and then as time went on I was just too damn stubborn to just apologize and talk to Rick. I've seen how bad that is and it won't happen again."

Lanie nodded and got up. "I'm happy for both of you." She hugged both of them and then looked at Esposito.

He stood up. "We need to get going, have fun and I'll see you at work a week from Monday boss." He walked over and hugged Kate then shook Castle's hand. "It'll be nice to have our partners back at work." He started for the door. "We'll let ourselves out."

After they left Kate picked their plate and cups. "I'll just clean up in here and then I'll go on up to bed, you can move my things to the guest room if you want. I don't know what Alexis was thinking taking my things to your room."

He walked in the kitchen behind her and put his arms around her waist. "I'm going to take a shower, the door is locked so just turn the lights off and join me in our bedroom when you're done in here."

She looked back at him quickly. "Are you sure Rick?"

"I'm positive Kate, finish up with what you're doing and join me in the bed."

She smiled. "Okay babe, I'll see you in there." She finished in the kitchen then went in the bedroom. She opened a drawer and pulled out one of his t-shirts then after putting it on she sat down on the bed. When he came out she went in after unpacking her tooth brush and went in to prepare for bed. She came back out and saw him in bed so she climbed in beside him then leaned over and kissed him. "Goodnight Rick."

"Goodnight Kate." After turning off the lights she felt him pull her close, then she heard him whisper. "I love you Kate."

She wrapped her fingers around his hand. "I love you too Babe." For the first time in forever she drifted off to sleep.

**TBC**

It's going to go one more chapter… just one more. Don't think I'm making this as smooth sailing as it seems… nothing ever is with them.

Links, I hope they work: .com with the links below to see the videos.

/J8vZUqxlW88 Mariah Carey

/IjxEB-oM2WQ Air Supply

/BvxT7rRA2fI Harry Nilsson


	4. Where Do We Go From Here?

**Title: Without You**

Summary of chapter: Rick and Kate have made up and are talking, they are going to the Hamptons to spend time alone so they can get serious talking done. **Last Chapter folks… **_Thanks so much for the reviews, follows and favorites… you guys ROCK!_

Disclaimer (being all legal and everything): Did they get married in Season 6? Nope, then I guess I don't own them. I do however own my Heat books, a DVD and some episodes on Amazon Instant Video

**Chapter Four: Where Do We Go From Here?**

Rick woke up to see the other side of the bed empty but he had to admit, he enjoyed sleeping with Kate next to him. He woke up in the middle of the night and she was cuddled up close to him and looked so peaceful. Suddenly he heard voices and laughter so he decided he needed to get up so they could get on the road for the Hamptons. He put his robe on and headed out to the kitchen where the voices seemed to be coming from. When he got to the kitchen he saw Lanie, Alexis, Martha and Kate at the table. "So is this the meeting of the minds?"

Lanie looked up and smiled. "It was then you showed up writer-boy."

He smiled. "Oh Lanie, I would miss you if I never saw you again." He got a cup of coffee then walked to the table, he sat down in his usual seat at the head of the table.

Kate immediately jumped up. "I'll just get your breakfast Rick."

He grabbed her hand and pulled her back. "You don't have to wait on me Kate." Then he smiled. "That's mother and Alexis' job."

Alexis huffed at him. "As if."

Kate leaned over and kissed him on the lips. "I'll get your breakfast Babe, I don't mind."

He smiled as she retreated to the kitchen. "Thanks Kate." She brought his plate over then went back to get the coffee and refilled cups before sitting back down.

Martha looked over at her son. "So what's the plan for the next week in Hamptons?"

He smiled. "I don't really have one."

Alexis rolled her eyes. "Please dad, it's Kate's first time in the Hamptons you need to show her a good time. Come on dad, you never take anyone there this is a big deal."

Kate got up. "It's fine Rick, if we just hang out at the house I'm fine with it. I'm just going to shower and get ready to go, Lanie I'll call while I'm gone and I'll see you when I get back."

Lanie stood up. "I need to get to work anyway, I hope you guys have a great time." She hugged Kate, said goodbye to everyone and headed for the door.

As soon as they heard the bedroom door close Alexis sat down beside her dad. "This trip can make or break your relationship with Kate, I thought you wanted to be with her."

"I do, I love Kate. But this trip is about talking and reconnecting, we'll do a fun trip once we get everything worked out."

Alexis wiped the tears from her face. "Don't lose her dad, please don't lose her."

He nodded. "You're right, we'll do more than just hang around the house."

Alexis kissed his cheek then started for the steps. "I have plans with some friends, please dad bring her home intent to move in with us."

Martha stood up. "I haven't been to bed yet, I'm going to clean the kitchen then after we say goodbye I'm going to bed. Keep in mind what Alexis said."

_**Hamptons House, 4 days later**_

Rick had been in his office writing, Kate said she was going to sit by the pool. They had talked and he thought everything was much better but as he got closer to the door leading to the pool he heard Kate's voice and she was crying. "I don't know Lanie, maybe this was stupid and it's just over between us."

"_What do you mean, you said you've been talking."_

"Yes Lanie, we've talked and that's all we're doing. I mean it's almost like we're discussing an international peace treaty here. I don't know how much I can promise my undying devotion and him not believe me. There is no affection at all, I mean I think he's pulling away."

"_Ask him about it."_

"Before we left to come here he said he loved me but he hasn't said that once here. I know I messed up big time but gee whiz Lanie, I feel like I'm the only one trying. It's taking everything I've got not to rip his clothes off and climb on, but if he won't even kiss me or say he loves me. I think I lost him forever Lanie and that makes me so sad, I just don't like daily life without him around."

"_You need to sit him down and ask him what's going on, then rip his clothes off and climb on."_

She looked up and saw him at the door. "Hey Rick's done writing, I'll talk to you later Lanie." She clicked off from the call and then laid her phone down, she tried to subtly wipe her eyes. "So how much writing did you get done?"

He moved out by the pool and sat down on the lounge chair beside her. "Almost 4 chapters, my muse is close by so it helps. So do you want to go in and take a nap then later this evening go out for dinner?"

"You heard me talking to Lanie, didn't you? Don't feel obligated, I thought I might just pack up and head back to the city this afternoon. I need to get stuff done to return to work next week."

"Kate I can explain what's going on and if you still want to go back then I'll take you back." He put his hand out after standing up. "Can we lay down and talk?" She nodded taking the hand he held out, he held her hand all the way to the bedroom. When they entered the bedroom he sat on the bed and pulled Kate close, he had to admit that seeing her in a bikini was making it hard to not make love to her. He kissed her just above her bikini bottoms. "I want to make love to you Kate, you have no idea how much. But if we do this then we have to be together always, I can't make love to you and then stay away from you. I love you Kate but I'm so scared that something will happen to keep us apart."

She put her arms around his neck and pulled him into her. "I love you Rick, would it help ease your mind if I moved into the loft once we got back?"

He smiled pulling her down to straddle his lap and he kissed her. "I would love for you to move in, but I want it for the right reason, I want you to do it because you love me and want to be with me."

She kissed him and smiled. "I love you so much Rick, I want to be with you all the time. I was so hurt when we came here and it seemed like you were backing off, I wanted us to make love so bad."

He laid her back on the bed and kissed her as he untied her bikini top, then pulled her bottoms off of her. He stood up and pulled off his boxers and then he joined her on the bed. "I fully intend to ask you to marry me one day."

She pulled him close to her and she could feel his obvious arousal. "When you ask I'm going to say yes, I love you Babe." She pulled him in for a kiss and there was no more discussion while they made love more than once.

Rick woke up and saw Kate looking at him, he didn't see one ounce of regret in her eyes all he saw was love. "So how about a shower and then we go out to dinner?"

She leaned close and kissed him. "You have me Rick, you don't have to wine and dine me."

He smiled. "How about if I want to show off my gorgeous girlfriend?"

She moved to get up and put her hand out. "Join me in the shower?"

Once they got in the shower the idea of just washing then getting out was gone, especially after she started kissing down his body. She was moving slowly kissing down his body as she knelt down, she was also running her hands lightly down his body. She heard Rick's surprised sound as she took him in her mouth, she rubbed her hands over his body as she licked, kissed and sucked on him. He took her hands pulling her up to stand, then he kissed her while moving his hand down her body. "No Rick, please just make love to me. Show me you love me please."

He picked her up and after pushing her up against the wall she could feel him enter her slowly, she tried to pick up the pace but he kept it slow. "No doubts Kate, after tonight I want no doubts. We have been through too many years and too much to not put everything into us and this relationship. I love you so much." He kissed her and then pulled back still moving with her.

"Rick, we're moving me right after we get back right? I don't want one night away from you." Soon after she spoke she was screaming her release and he was right behind her.

_**Martinelli's**_

Kate and Rick walked in and the hostess smiled at him. "Mr. Castle, we have the perfect table for you and Detective Beckett."

Kate leaned close. "Did you tell them who you were bringing?"

He smiled. "She's a Nikki Heat fan and saw your Cosmo spread, she's asked about you many times when I've been here before."

"I bet your date at the time hated that."

"Well since I've only been here with mother and Alexis then no, they didn't mind. As a matter of fact usually Alexis talks so much about you that I never get to speak."

They got to the table and the girl smiled. "You said something semi private Mr. Castle, I hope this is what you wanted."

He smiled as he pulled Kate's chair out to seat her. "This is perfect Manda, thank you so much."

She smiled and nodded. "You're welcome Mr. Castle, I hope you enjoy your dinner." They both thanked her and she walked off.

When he sat down he immediately reached for her hand. "I've been saving this place for our date, it's special to me but not quite as special as you."

Kate put her head down as she blushed, then she looked up. "I can't let us down Rick, don't let me?"

"I will do everything I can to keep us together Kate, but I need you to help me out."

She smiled. "Always."

They were lost in each other's eyes when a server appeared at the table. "Your wine Mr. Castle, Detective Beckett." He poured their glasses and then left the bottle in a bucket of ice. "Enjoy, your pre-ordered dinner will be out shortly. If you need anything please let me know."

Rick smiled. "Thank you Anthony."

She looked over at him and smiled. "You pre-ordered dinner? That was so sweet of you, that way we won't be interrupted as much."

He winked. "That's why I did it, plus I do know what you like to eat."

She put her hand on his. "This night is very special to me, hopefully the first of many."

He wrapped his hand around hers. "I do have a favor to ask, feel free to say no and I won't be upset at all."

"Tell me Rick and then I'll decide."

"I have a book event, not one of my books but another author and I've been invited. I was going to go alone like I usually do but Paula and Gina are on me to bring a date, Gina going so far as to saying she would find me a date so I'll have someone on my arm. I don't want anyone except you, it's bad form to leave your girlfriend at home and go out with someone else even if it's just to make things look good." He shrugged. "They say it looks bad for me to be alone all the time plus I'm so tired of women bugging me at these things."

She smiled. "I bet you hate women throwing themselves at you, no man hates that. But yes I would love to go, it's time we go public if I'm moving in. Plus other women need to know that you are off the market for good, I can't really tattoo Property of Detective Beckett on your forehead."

He squeezed her hand. "You could put it on my chest or something?"

"And soon it would have to be changed when I become Kate Castle, I'm guessing we aren't taking another 3 years to change that?"

"I would marry you tomorrow Kate."

"Let's get me moved in Babe, get the publicity over with and then we'll talk about more."

They let go of each other's hand when the server came back with their food, he had ordered different entrees for each of them. Even when they were just friends they shared food and tasted each other's food so he thought ordering different food would work out. He looked down at his plate and smiled. "This lasagna looks and smells as wonderful as last time I was here."

The server smiled. "Oh yes that time Ms. Rodgers questioned even the chef about how the meat sauce for the spaghetti is made, then you informed her she couldn't make it anyway."

Kate looked up and laughed. "Oh Rick you didn't do that to your mother. Well this ravioli looks and smells fabulous and I don't want any recipes, I'll just make Rick bring me back here when I want some."

The server laughed. "She's a keeper Mr. Castle."

Castle winked at her and then smiled at the server. "That she is Anthony."

The young man nodded. "Enjoy your meals and let me know if you need anything at all. Is dessert still to go Mr. Castle?"

"Yes please." Anthony nodded and then walked off.

She smiled. "Is dessert to go because we are going to enjoy it back at the house with a cup of your wonderful coffee and maybe less clothing?"

He winked. "That is exactly how we are going to have dessert."

_**Back in New York, 3 days later**_

Alexis is sitting on the couch reading and Martha is at the table with a glass of wine and her latest script, all is quiet. They hear a key in the door and immediately both of them look toward the door. In walks the doorman with their luggage and then behind him Castle and Beckett, the first thing both females notice is that they are holding hands. Castle pulls some money out of his pocket. "Thanks so much Mick."

The man pocketed the money and slightly bowed. "Mr. Castle and Detective Beckett, welcome home." He walked out closing the door.

Both of the females sitting there still frozen in place just waiting for details of how the trip played out, neither one were very forth coming over the phone. He picked up their bags. "I'll just put these in the bedroom Kate."

She smiled and kissed him. "Thanks Babe, I'll make some coffee."

Kate walked on in the room and smiled at Alexis and Martha. "So anyone opposed to me moving in?"

Alexis squealed and ran to Kate hugging her. "When are you moving in?"

"Over the weekend before I go back to work on Monday, we can always unpack a little here or there."

Martha walked over and hugged her. "Oh darling, that is wonderful news. So I assume the trip was just what you both needed?"

"We had a rough start for the first few days but it all worked out, we started talking and getting everything out in the open." She walked with the other women toward the kitchen and started making coffee while she finished explaining. "I've hurt him so much and I know I can't erase it but I can spend the rest of my life making it up to him."

Martha patted Kate's hand then walked back to the table. "You were not alone in that silence darling, neither one of you have been doing a great job at talking and talking honestly. That is the only way this will work."

Kate walked over and sat down at the table. "I've learned about keeping things to myself and I'm not going to lose him, ever. Martha I love your son so much, I didn't think I had it in me to love someone this much."

Alexis smiled from her place at the end of the table. "So have you and dad discussed marriage, possibly?"

Kate smiled. "Yes actually we have, not tomorrow or anything but we have discussed it."

Suddenly she heard his voice as he joined them at the table carrying a box. "We discussed it and decided that when the time was right then we would know. Now we stopped at Scott's and bought some pastries, whose hungry?"

While they were sitting with coffee and their treat they started talking about Kate's move. Martha spoke up. "So Katherine we'll pitch in to help you move and I assume you'll ask your dad and your co-workers to help?"

She looked at Rick and then at Martha as she spoke. "Actually Lanie and the guys have been packing up my apartment for 2 days now, they offered. I told them to leave the bedroom alone but everything else needed to be packed, my dad was helping them."

Castle smiled. "So we can go pack up the bedroom tomorrow and start moving you tomorrow."

She nodded. "Some of it is going to my dad's storage area, I mean obviously I don't need all of my furniture. I just need my other stuff, especially my books."

Alexis smiled at her. "How many of dad's books do you own, honestly?"

Kate smiled at her and blushed. "All of them from the very first one. When my apartment blew up, I replaced the books I lost in the fire." She took a drink of coffee then looked around. "I don't want to clutter up this place, I mean it's so nice and everything. We'll find a place for my things."

Castle put his hand on hers. "We have plenty of room for your things, bring whatever you want and we'll work it out."

_**Four months later, the loft**_

Alexis looked from the kitchen when she saw her dad and his girlfriend walk in. "Hey guys, dinner will be ready soon."

Kate walked in the kitchen and leaned against the counter. "Are you busy tomorrow Alexis?"

"Not really, why did you have something in mind?"

Before Kate could answer Martha came down the steps. "Alexis dinner smells wonderful as usual. Katherine good to see you home so early darling, where's Richard."

He came in behind them. "Right here mother and we are off for the next 5 days."

Alexis looked at Kate. "Is that why you asked me what I was doing tomorrow?"

"Yes, we made plans but we need you, Martha and my dad there."

Martha walked over to the kitchen and looked at them. "What are you planning that you need all of us to go with you?"

Kate smiled and looked at the other women. "We're going to the Hamptons to get married, we wanted family there but no press and no publicity. I'm not pregnant, we just decided last night we were done waiting so the next time we were off for more than one day then we were doing it."

Just the smiles on the faces of his family told Castle everything he needed to know, they were in. They had called her dad and he was very excited. Alexis smiled. "Dinner is ready so let's sit down and make a plan. So you guys are finally getting married?"

Kate leaned up and kissed Rick. "Yes, I know it seems fast but we're sure and this is it for both of us."

Martha chimed in. "Well I'll pour the wine and we'll toast to it's about damn time."

**The End**

_Thank you everyone for the reviews, favorites, follows and patience on this story. Life seems to be maybe calming down for me (knock on wood) and slowly but surely the other stories will be finished before I post the new one I've started. _


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